Decision Making & Relationships

How do you really know what a relationship means to you?
You’re decision making process can give you some significant insight.

When you have a decision or a choice to make, what you base it on is of great importance.  If you are basing your choices on other people’s feelings you do yourself a great disservice.  What if it doesn’t work out?  What if it does, but creates unhappiness within you?  There is a pretty good chance you will end up regretting your choices if you allow someone else’s feelings at the forefront of your decision making.

Here’s a way you can be sure .you’re making decisions based on your happiness ensuring as little regret in the future.

First you put your feelings at the forefront by asking yourself; how do I feel about this?  What do I want?  What’s best for me?  Remember it’s essential, not selfish, to put yourself first.  (Your decision, you come first.)  Once you determine what you want, make your decision. Now ask yourself, who does this affect?  Does this affect anyone I love?  Then determine the amount of nurturing you are willing to give to that person.  Meaning, if your choice affects someone who doesn’t mean much to you, you may very well do nothing, consciously aware you now know this relationship does not mean very much to you.  But, if you know your choice affects someone close to you, a loved one, or someone you care about, you will know how much you care by how much you are willing to nurture that relationship while still staying true to yourself and keeping with your decision.

For example, let’s say you’ve been invited to go out with some friends on the same evening your significant other has been wanting to take you out for some time.  You really want to go with your friends…what do you do, you’ve already decided you want to go yet you know it will affect your relationship with your significant other. You know you are not going to change your mind. So now you will give as much nurturing as possible to your significant other because you love him/her.  You will know how much you care about that person based on the amount of attention and nurturing you are willing to give it.

Another example could be; a friend has hurt your feelings, but s/he is unaware of how or why it happened.  You will know right away how this person feels about you by the way this person reacts.  If s/he reacts with anger, resisting they might say, “I didn’t do anything!” or “Don’t be ridiculous!”  You will know this person is more interested in being right than the fact you were hurt, therefore no nurturing takes place and you know where you stand in that relationship.

On the flip side, if they immediately say, “I had no idea, I’m so sorry I hurt you.” or something to that affect.  You will know that person cares more about what actually happened and the fact you were hurt.  This person will nurture the relationship no matter what because they care.  Again you know where you stand in that relationship.

Remember, you are always in control of your choices and reactions.  However, how another chooses to nurture their relationship with you is out of your hands, your reaction to them is again all yours.

So, next time you are in a relationship or you’re already in one, notice how your significant other makes his or her decisions.  Notice how much they nurture you.  This will be a significant indicator of how much they care about you.

You will begin to feel empowered in your decision making when you take back your control and put yourself first.



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