By now those of you who know me, know I am a huge advocate of self-care. Every part of your life can be decided by which parts of your life you are taking part in self-care, and which parts you are not. Honesty is not something most people would consider self-care, but I am going to give you my perspective in the hopes of showing you how I perceive it.
Let me start by saying that if you can be kind that is always the way to go and being truthful and kind at the same time is ideal. If you can not be kind, than being quiet is the way to go. As long as you are putting your feelings at the forefront than you will never have a reason to lie, not even the little tiny white lies we sometimes tell in the name of “not hurting anyone’s feelings”.
Why do we do this? Why do we say, “Wow that shirt is just great on you!”, when what we really want to say is, “Dude, not your best choice of shirts today.” We do it to spare someone else’s feelings while inadvertently stifling our own. Apparently we would rather hold in our real feelings for the sake of someone else’s, BUT this is detrimental to ourselves. Why? Because we are holding in our own truth. When you don’t say what you mean, or you lie, you are letting someone else’s feelings be your first concern, when really, you are the star of your show and the star always comes first.
It is always a bad idea to put someone else’s feelings before your own. Now I realize no one wants to upset anyone, but wouldn’t you want to know if you were walking out looking “funky”? Wouldn’t you want your friend to be honest with you? And even if your bestie did say to you, “I’m really not loving that dress.” Would you care? Would it persuade you to change your dress? I cannot tell you how many times someone close to me has said, “Those pants. I don’t like those pants.” or, “Are you really going to wear that bathing suit?” My answer each time, “Yes.” and I’m going to tell you why.
Every time I put clothes on my body, grab a purse, put my shoes on my feet, etc., I am doing it for me. I’ve thought about it, I like what I’ve chosen and most importantly, I do these things for ME. I dress for myself, I eat for myself, I do my hair for myself, I do the work that I do for myself. I do it all for myself. And the more I realize this, the more I began to understand that the more I do things for myself, the happier I am, the happier I become, and the happier the people around me become. I realize that being real and honest with myself becomes a pathway for being real and honest with others. When I am real and honest with others, the clarity becomes so obvious that there is no going back.
Lying to spare someone else’s feelings, although noble, is not doing you any favors. So what if your friend asks you how she looks and you tell her the truth that you don’t like it. She can opt to change her clothes or simply not care (like me). So what if you had a date, but would rather go out with your friends. You don’t have to put anyone else’s feelings before yours, just Tell Your Truth! You’ll never have to worry about getting caught in a lie. Secrets become a thing of the past, and you will feel a new sense of freedom. And after all, when it comes right down to it, FREEDOM is what we are all striving for: Freedom to live our lives! Freedom to say our truths! Freedom to be our authentic selves!
Have a beautiful day and a wonderful week.