One of the most significant realizations I have made since my journey to self-mastery is that the most sacred relationship you will ever have is the relationship you cultivate with yourself. This includes the way you speak to yourself, the way you stand up for yourself, the way you hold yourself, the way you respect yourself and how Michael Singer puts it so eloquently, in his book The Untethered Soul, “How you relate to the roommate in your head”.
By understanding what it means to have a sacred relationship with yourself you must understand that I’m referring to the place inside your head that speaks to you. The place in your mind that is continuously chattering away at you. The place from where the original creation of your sacred relationship with yourself originates. The one that has been disguising itself as your best friend since you were a child. The one that says things like, “Don’t wear those crazy pants to school, they’ll think you’re weird!” or “Don’t belt out your favorite song in front of your classmates, they’ll make fun of you!” The roommate in your mind that holds you back by dangling fear in front of you or jumping from one subject to another with no consistency or logic.
I’m going to give you 3 tools right now to begin quieting that voice and in its place, cultivate the sacred relationship with yourself that you deserve. With a daily practice you will begin breaking down the negativity of that voice and show yourself that you can cultivate a sacred relationship with yourself by allowing your voice of wisdom to dominate the conversation.
1. Becoming Aware
The first thing you must do in order to create a better relationship with yourself is to become aware that you are not the chatter in your mind, rather the self that is aware of the chatter. Once you become aware of this your level of negative emotion will decrease almost instantaneously and a relationship with your sacred self will begin to unfold. As you begin to practice awareness on a daily basis, you will be free to move forward from whatever it was causing you stress. Once this happens you are far more likely to come up with a creative idea to solve whatever caused the stress to begin with. Great ideas can only enter a calm mind.
2. Your Self-Talk
Now that you have become aware of what the chatter in your mind actually is, you have control over the sacred relationship you have with yourself. This is the time to begin talking to yourself in a way that nurtures and supports what you want out of life.
For example. Let’s say you want to become a chef. You decide to go to the store, buy loads of ingredients to begin creating new recipes. While you’re in the store you are excited, happy picking and choosing all sorts of amazing produce, etc. You get home, take a look at the receipt and your mind begins chattering away, “Look how much you spent!” “You can’t afford this!” “You don’t have the talent to be a chef!” All of the excitement you created is being dismantled and torn apart by this voice. You will know this voice is coming from your mind because you are not only aware of it, but it is full of emotion. Come back to your voice of wisdom by being aware that this chatter is happening and say something like this, “I am investing in myself.” “I believe I have the know-how to really create something amazing here.” “So what if I mess up I will learn and grow…I can not fail.” It’s possible to say the same thing in a way that supports and nurtures you. No emotion just matter of fact and full of wisdom.
3. Gratitude List
Now that you are aware and know to use your wisdom over your judgement to create a healthy sacred relationship with yourself, it’s time to get out your journal and begin writing down 10 things you are grateful for everyday. Together with awareness, you begin writing your gratitude down on a daily basis you will notice a shift in your awareness; a shift in how you feel about yourself. Chances are you will begin appreciating yourself a bit more and not willing to tolerate the judgmental chatter in your mind so much. Writing is a powerful tool for getting confusion and chaos out of your mind and improving your relationship with yourself.
As I look back in life-review and recall the relationship I once had with myself, I can say thank you. Thank you for the nasty self-talk. Thank you to mean girl inside of me, that ruthlessly tore that scared girl outside to pieces. I can say thank you because without that experience I would not have cultivated a strong-sacred relationship with myself. I was so willing to listen to that voice in my head and so willing to accept what it had to say as “truth” that I was willing to accept others speaking and treating me in those negative ways because it was acceptable to me by me.
Once I filled myself with the wisdom that this voice was not me, I was able to become aware of it, turn the volume down on it and begin creating a new, nurturing, supportive-sacred relationship with myself. Once I began that journey every other relationship in my life transformed. People that did not support me dropped out of my awareness. No longer did I accept relationships that didn’t fulfill me. I began surrounding myself with people that support me and genuinely want only good things for me…and that’s what I mean when I talk about cultivating a sacred relationship with yourself .
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